Sunday, May 7, 2017

Reconciliation: Day Four

It is Sunday. Perhaps that’s a good time to talk about religion. I probably shouldn’t, but it is such an overwhelming aspect of American life that any sort of reconciliation that doesn’t consider it would fail at the starting gate, so to speak.

I’ve feelings and thoughts all over the place about it. Raised in a protestant household—Missionary Baptist in fact—I call myself a “Cultural Christian.” To tell the truth, I never liked to go to church. The two weeks I spent in Vacation Bible School as a child still stand as the longest ten years of my life. I began to eschew organized religion when I realized that the so-called “social gospel” that resonated so strongly with me is gone and not likely to return. Then a preacher in a small church we attended began to refer to those who believed in science as sinners. We fled, like Jews leaving Egypt. I’m not being sacrilegious, for those friends who are believers. I’m just being honest, a step I feel is essential if we are to try and understand one another.

That having been said, I will admit to revering much of the music of religion, the masses of Bach, Haydn, Mozart, Beethoven, and others are sublime enough to make one spiritual, if not outright religious. On the popular front, I still play, hum, and try to sing the old church hymns. A good old good one, such as “Just As I Am,” has an unearthly power to move. Now … I can’t confess to caring much for the modern stuff, once described as “Jesus Is My Boyfriend,” music. But if you do, that is fine. I just happen to agree with the NPR guest who once said that comparing the old hymns with modern church music is like comparing a Shakespearian Sonnet to a Hallmark greeting card.

Enough of that.

I will also admit that, on most Sunday mornings, I sit with my mother-in-law and watch a televised Methodist service broadcast in our area. It’s the only segment of religious broadcast I watch on TV, other than the second or so it takes for me to change a channel. But, I find the one mentioned so full of grace, peace, love, and joy that I don’t think watching it would do harm to the most hardened atheist.

May we just agree that religion, in whatever form we take it—and there are so many—is so highly personal that a shared relationship is almost impossible? Could we not just leave it at that and allow one another to live her or his personal life accordingly? For me, that means keeping it to yourself and out of politics. Sorry, that’s just my opinion. You are entitled to your own.

What formed my opinion? I am one of the small percentage of living humans that has read the Holy Bible from start to finish, so I’m not illiterate in ecclesiastical matters. I’m one of the extremely few who have read it from start to finish more than once. I once read where Captain Joshua Slocum, author of, “Sailing Around the World Alone,” and the first person to do that, read the Bible numerous times, the exact number escapes me. I have neither that great man’s courage nor spare time. I can’t match his effort at studying the book, but I’ll keep trying.

When I do read it, I find sublime thought mixed with inconsistencies, cruelty, and the illogical. At the same time, I believe it lays bare the complexity of the human spirit, is the most enduring basis of western literature, and a must-read for an understanding of that genre. So, I will continue to read that esteem instrument although I sincerely believe it is both metaphorical and written by men for men. Yes girls. For men.

The point from which I must sincerely, and without malice, express my departure from so many dear friends, is the belief, as expressed in The Brothers Karamazov, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky "If God is dead, all is permitted," more often expressed as “without religion, there is no morality.”

I have known saints and sinners on both extremes the belief-nonbelief spectrum. There have been countless books written on the question, and I, personally, stand on the belief expressed by Albert Einstein: "A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hopes of reward after death."

But if religion truly causes you to be kind, caring, accepting, loving, and supportive of your fellow human beings, by all means follow it with joy and my blessing.

How in the world can we find reconciliation in beliefs so pervasive disagreements? My approach will be a striving for respect and non-judgement. In other words, “judge not.” I’ll borrow that one from the Galilean himself. I only ask my religious friends to do the same.

Meanwhile got to run. The service is coming on.

Just thinking …

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Reconciliation: Day Three

People often say that “government should be run like a business.” I realize that this is an honest, sincere appraisal and should be taken seriously. Having worked as a consultant to local governments for all these years, I can agree that, in many cases, government can be operated in a more businesslike manner.

In such matters as fiscal conservatism, long-range attention to operation and maintenance costs, productivity, considerations of life-cycle costs, and employee proficiency, the public sector can learn from its counterparts in the private sector.

I know my friends will allow me, though, to point out some differences.

First, government entities operate under what is known as “The Antideficiency Act. This act forbids agencies from “making or authorizing an expenditure from, or creating or authorizing an obligation under, any appropriation or fund in excess of the amount available in the appropriation or fund unless authorized by law.” 31 U.S.C. § 1341(a)(1)(A). In other the act forbids from spending money on any purpose not explicitly authorized and funded by a specific law.

The act also forbids government from “accepting voluntary services for the United States, or employing personal services not authorized by law, except in cases of emergency involving the safety of human life or the protection of property.” 31 U.S.C. § 1342. So, government can’t operate like a non-profit corporation either.

I hope we can agree that those are substantial differences. Further, business can use any means to make a profit as long as the means are legal. (We might agree that some corporations skate closer to the edge of that pond than others).

Government must not only operate legally, it must also operate strictly within the limits of specific enabling or operative legislation, including the ancient stricture of protecting the “health, safety, welfare, and morals” of the community.

One additional point merits consideration. Government must provide services to all eligible citizens. It can’t pick and choose which members of the public to serve. For me, personally—and you are free to decide for yourself—that’s what unnerves me about the concept of “charter schools.” We once had a concept in the South called “pretty-bolling,” or picking only those cotton bolls that were large and easy to pick. The others were left to rot.

This all reminds me of a time I complained to a good friend, a legal scholar and teacher of The Law, about the behavior of some attorney. He carefully (we were out jogging and had plenty of time) explained that America’s judicial system, unlike that of some countries, was based on a form whereby the aim was that each side was protected by the laws and adequately represented by a legal advocate.

“If you want to change the way our attorneys behave,” he said, “you’ll have to change our entire legal system. And I don’t think that is going to happen.”


We might apply that lesson to government. Our system of government operates in the way for which it is designed. Could we not all work together to make it operate well for all under that system, rather than seeking to destroy it?

Just thinking …

Friday, May 5, 2017

Reconciliation: Day Two

In thinking about the differences in how I see the world and how that view differs from that of many friends, I realize that sometimes we are pushed too relentlessly by the media and public sentiment. We are pushed hard to choose sides when the facts and issues are so complex that a simple stand is non-productive, if not impossible. It happens, it seems to me, all the time.

For example, let’s choose a currently controversial topic: law enforcement.

I begin by saying that, as an overall belief strategy, I support our police officers. I believe that we all benefit from the thousands upon thousands of brave men and women who patrol our meanest streets while we lie safely abed. If there are cases of malpractice, and there will be, let justice prevail, by all means. But let us consider, calmly I hope, that for every instance of insensitivity, meanness, or worse, there are millions of lonely hours spent guarding us against our most ignoble instincts.

We should support the ones who do that. And while we do, let us strive, without ceasing, to train the best and to weed out those who don’t measure up. To condemn, or even to ignore, an entire profession can never bode well for our country.

I say this, for one reason, because, though never a police officer myself, I do know, first hand, what it is like to spend an extended period of your life in mortal danger for a thankless public. Simple support can provide such a wondrous blessing.

What happens when we don’t support law enforcement? Well, in my state, most cities are experiencing considerable difficulty in hiring and retaining police officers. Low pay is one reason. (We’ll discuss taxes on another day). Another is the loss of prestige we have bestowed upon law enforcement in recent years. I further believe that these two reasons are related.

Back to our choices. Should we turn a blind eye toward any malpractice by a police officer? Certainly not, no more than we should turn away from the malpractice of a physician, an engineer, an attorney, a teacher, or, heaven forbid, an urban planner. But I remember what Alistair Cooke said of H.L. Mencken, that he wrote his scathing and often heartless denouncements of others “in a warm room and on a full stomach.” Do we ever do the same with law enforcement? Could we all just think on that?

In the meantime, couldn’t we choose the side of support and trust? Yes, yes, I know. As a descendent of white, Anglo-Saxon, northern Europeans, I’ve benefited from many breaks not always afforded those of other backgrounds. Based on that, I try to adopt the stance that “to whom much is given, much is expected.” I try not to go out of my way to act a fool. (Please do not bother my wife by asking her for verification).

I backslide. Not long ago my foot became a little heavy on the pedal. Yep. The blue lights started flashing. When the officer approached, I handed him my papers and said, “Sir, you got me fair and square. No excuses.” He laughed and went back to his vehicle to call in and make sure I hadn’t just escaped from Attica. I sat chewing out myself—not him—up one side and then the other.

When he returned, he laughed, handed me my papers and said, “In all my, career, I’ve never had anyone say that. Now get out of here and keep it safe.” It may not always work, but it sure beats the hell out of being a smart-ass and giving someone a cursing for doing a thankless job.

We are free to choose one side and hate the other if we wish. I think I'll choose to assume the best and resist the worst.


It just seems to me…

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Reconciliation

To my friends who follow different political paths than mine:

I think it is time we talk, and I’ll take the lead. Our country needs for us to seek reconciliation and find shared goals, instead of concentrating on our differences. I'd like to use this blog in the coming days to pursue this dream. Please feel free to comment or disagree. Anyone who knows me understands that I can be wrong at times. Dead wrong. I’m the one, remember, who didn’t follow my wife’s advice in 1973 and buy stock in a company called Walmart.

First, I do not believe that you are bad or cognizantly-impaired because you don’t believe in the same approach to world order as I. I know that many of you are well-educated, honest, sincere, and unbiased, all traits that I have tried to achieve, with varying degrees of success.

I know that some of you have the feeling that you have done all that was expected of you in life. You have worked hard. You have gotten an education. Some of you have served our country in its military. You have supported your families, paid your taxes, abided by our laws, and avoided scandal. You have reared exemplary children. You feel, and rightfully so, that you should be left alone to enjoy the fruits of your labor and let others do the same.

I understand. I really do. Please allow me to add, though, that I have known countless people who have done all these things, same as you, and were denied the success they deserved because of race, gender, health, natural disasters, unforeseen epochal events, or a breakup of a marriage that they did not instigate.

I believe that government can, and should be, a force for good in helping those sidetracked from achieving the American Dream. The degree to which a person should subjugate the welfare of her or his own family to helping others is a personal decision, and, for many, a tough one.

Though I have tried, I cannot imagine a vision in which no government at all would result in a functioning society for Americans. James Madison, with perhaps a slight bit of hyperbole, offered this memorable quote in the Federalist Papers:

“But what is government itself, but the greatest of all reflections on human nature? If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary. In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men, the great difficulty lies in this: you must first enable the government to control the governed; and in the next place oblige it to control itself. A dependence on the people is, no doubt, the primary control on the government; but experience has taught mankind the necessity of auxiliary precautions.”

So, for today, if we could simply agree that some form of government is necessary, then we can work together on what form best suits our country and its place in the world.


Shall we?

Today, a new Jimmie replaces the old.



Friday, April 14, 2017

On Streets and Highways

One day this week, while heading west on Little Rock’s Ninth Street from our (other) home on East Ninth, I was caught by the traffic signal at Ninth and Broadway. As I looked west, a vision grabbed me. It was that of a vibrant commercial area, as depicted on the recent PBS documentary, “Dreamland.” The vision lingered within me, both powerful and stimulating.

When it cleared, I saw a lonely pedestrian cross Ninth and turn west. She was the only living thing in sight. The light changed, and I turned to continue west. You can’t do that on Ninth Street anymore. Years ago, we ended it a few blocks down to make way for the Wilbur Mills Expressway.

Sometimes, in the darkest part of night, sleep escapes me and I am forced to spend time thinking. One of those thoughts I can’t express professionally as an urban planner. I’ll do it here, though, if no one will report me.

I’m not altogether sure that the decision to build the interstate highway system, in the manner we chose, didn’t create the single greatest negative impact on our cities in America’s history. Some say it was racial prejudice instead, and that poses an argument difficult to refute. Truth is, when combined, the two forces were horribly, and lastingly, destructive. Witness West Ninth Street.

Could we have built the system differently? Germany did. Could we have resisted the destruction? The City of Memphis did. Could we have invested more creatively in our cities? San Francisco did. Could we have thought about the future of our cities more humanely? Jane Jacobs and Lewis Mumford did.

Would, one will ask, alternatives have reduced our mobility, curtailed our opportunities for travel, and imprisoned us within a more defined geographic area? Most certainly. But, I’ve learned a great lesson as a result of being forced, by family responsibilities, to limit mobility and travel. There are wonderful results to such a situation.

It gives one a chance more fully to explore, what William Faulkner called “my own little postage stamp of native soil.”

It gives one a chance more fully to enjoy a relationship with family and friends that a frenetic chasing of “The American Dream” may have curtailed.

It gives one a chance more fully to establish ties with this wonderful planet we seem so hell-bent on destroying.

It doesn’t require the engineers to destroy more neighborhoods in order to accommodate the automobile.

Most of all, it gives one a chance to read, contemplate, listen/play music, converse, and visualize a better world.

I’m thankful for that. I, for one, have even quit using the interstate highway system, except as a last resort. It takes more time, but you see such things. Did you know, that just outside Hazen, Arkansas, is a building still standing that once was a music venue for many groups headed from Nashville to Dallas, and is reputed to have been the model for the country and western bar in the movie “The Blues Brothers?” You won’t see it from the interstate.

We won't see the likes of this again.
See the following story about Ninth Street.



Friday, April 7, 2017

A Story About Little Rock, Mostly True

The Assignment
By Jimmie von Tungeln
           
Truth be known, I didn’t want to do the piece in the first place. Hell, I wasn’t even a journalist. I was a consultant, a pretty good one, and should have stuck to it. But I had been doing these modest little columns for a Little Rock quarterly that promoted historic preservation. I was acquainted with the editor, I lived in a so-called historic district, and I knew most of the people who lived there. So, I agreed to help.
 It was a good fit. People associated living in historic neighborhoods with eccentricity back in those days. Things that supported that viewpoint were always welcome. So, folks liked my little “human interest” pieces. As for me, I was happy to stick to them. There was no chance of running out of characters, and I didn’t have to travel.
            Then the editor called me one day and asked me to stop by. When I got there, she up and gave me an assignment. Just like that, like I was some cub reporter or something. This posed a noticeable departure from the usual process whereby I just picked out some local oddball and wrote about how they had adjusted to living in an old house.
This time she picked the subject. Why? Beats me. Maybe I was getting stale or she was trying to sell more copies or something. Rather than speculate, I went along with her for the moment.
            Well guess what? You never know what dish life is going to serve up and what decisions are going to throw themselves in front of you, threatening your hemostasis like a group of western bandits with their pistols drawn and ready.
            Here’s how it started.
            A local banker, known to us all as a neighbor and a nice guy, had bought one of the most historic homes in the city. It boasted such long-term ownerships that the house and grounds came with a caretaker who had worked there since the Depression. Mr. Pitts cared for the grounds and lived in a small apartment attached to the carriage house, a.k.a. the garage. He was a quiet little man of advanced age who lived alone and remained out of sight when not working. All the neighbors knew him to nod at, but none of us had ever talked to him.
            The editor explained the human-interest angle. Supposedly, a friendship had grown up between Mr. Pitts and the banker’s young son Alfie—Alfred Chidester LaRue was his full name—a little blond-haired kid from the high-rent side of life. Get it? Old black gardener and white heir apparent, the image of an odd couple as corny as it was appealing to our liberal audience. All I had to do was interview the old man, mine a few historic nuggets and take a picture of him and the kid together. It would produce enough “ain’t that cutes?” to make a tough man buy a round of drinks. There was no Pulitzer looming, but it would get me through until another deadline appeared, like a hungry tiger emerging from the mist. No problem.
Anyway, I didn’t have to. These columns represented a public service for me. In other words, I didn’t get paid. Seeing my words in print provided my only emolument. So, I had a degree of leverage unavailable to a poor inky wretch actually writing for a living.
I could have refused the assignment and interviewed, instead, a friend who was restoring a cottage near ours and who looked more like Charles Manson than Manson did himself. He played cello in the city’s symphony orchestra and would have been great material for a photo essay, the research being carried out over a couple of beers. Why should I spend a dry afternoon interviewing the town’s oldest gardener? It didn’t make a bit of sense. “To hell with the editor and her aspirations,” I kept telling myself. Was I my own man or what?
            Naturally, I took the assignment. I had to go through the banker himself and he pretty much outlined what he wanted the piece to say. Alfie was an only-child and, having few young friends in the neighborhood, he had taken up with Mr. Pitts. Followed him everywhere. Shared secrets with him. Even helped with the yardwork. Well, maybe a little. The important thing was the friendship that had developed between man and boy. That was the angle.
            Sure. One of the greatest and most persistent dreams of American Caucasians is that, someday, an African-American will love them. But I could pretend with the best, so I pressed on to complete the assignment.
            I set up an appointment for the next Saturday afternoon. It was a nice autumn day that welcomed a person outdoors like an old friend wanting to show you his garden. I grabbed an ancient Rolliflex camera that I used for such work, made sure I had pen and paper, and walked the two blocks to the house.
The house sat on a half-block facing one of the two main streets leading directly to downtown. When it was built, wealth had followed the topography. The larger houses were on the highest ground and homes fell off in size and value as the topography dropped. It was never more than a short walk from the mansions to the homes from which domestic help could be hired, for practically nothing, in the good old days. In other words, urban form followed economic function. Households weren’t separated by income as they are now. That’s how, thanks to the historic preservation craze, I could afford to live near a bunch of mansions.
            Anyway, I arrived. Mr. Pitts had dressed up a bit. He always wore neat clothes with a narrow-brimmed dress hat. Today he had added a tie. He stood at attention with his hands to his side and presented a smile like a boot-camper at inspection. Alfie was bouncing a ball against a tree and the parents stood by with pride. All was set for this to be a painless adventure. Wham, bam, thank you m’aam and I meet my deadline.
            I called little Alfie over and made him sit for a picture with Mr. Pitts. As I lined it up, I pulled a few grunts out of the kid to the effect that he liked Mr. Pitts and enjoyed helping him with the yard work. Mr. Pitts sat smiling through thick eyeglass lenses that distorted his face to where it looked like one of those cartoon characters that has just seen something either real juicy or real dangerous.
            So far, so good.
            Figuring I had about all out of Alfie I was going to get, I excused him with “Now Alfie, why don’t you let Mr. Pitts and me visit while you get back to your yard work?” In other words, “Scram, kid!”
            Alfie was more than happy to be rid of adults so he walked to beyond the garage. There, someone had dug a shallow pit from which smoke was rising. Within the pit, I assumed from the smell, were dead leaves, trash, and some sort of organic waste. Alfie amused himself by kicking more leaves into the fire.
His mother saw the opportunity and appeared from nowhere with a tray of cookies and iced tea. She sat them on the bench between us and asked, sweetly, and devoid of sincerity, the way a southern woman can ask, if we were comfortable. After receiving affirmatives, she then swished away amid a crackling of petticoats and an almost audible smile. I pushed the tray toward Mr. Pitts. He smiled and pushed it back toward me.
            “No, please, go ahead,” I stammered, fumbling for my writing pen.
            “Thank you, suh,” he said. He exaggerated the “suh” so I—so we both—would know he didn’t attach any meaning to it. Then he took a cookie in one hand and a glass of tea in another. He neither drank nor ate right away, though. He rested the arm with the cookie on his leg and wrapped a hand around the glass of tea as if to keep it from flying away. He smiled at me. His eyes looked even larger than before.
            A breeze filled the yard and blew smoke from Alfie’s fire toward us. As it did, Mr. Pits finally raised the cookie in a soft arc to his mouth and took a small bite from it. He lowered it and raised his glass with the same grand gesture and sipped his tea.
            Hoping to get started, I asked him how long he had lived around there.
            “Oh, I was born around here,” he said. “I been here for as long as I can remember. We lived on Tenth Street but it went for the freeway. House ain’t there no more.”
            He chewed his cookie with what I thought was a grim expression. As he did, the smoke circled us and I caught the pleasant smell of burning leaves punctuated by the sharp odor of the other trash smoldering in the pit. Mr. Pitts stiffened slightly and his eyes seemed to retreat behind his thick glasses.
            “I been here since when things were different than they are now,” he said. “Way different.”
Then, that far into the interview, he stopped talking. His voice didn’t exactly trail away as much as it fluttered beyond us like a feather caught in a whirlwind.
            I was losing him. I hurried back to work.
            “Different in what way?” I asked.
            He just looked at me. He seemed to struggle to respond and when he did, it wasn’t really to me but, it seemed, to the trees and the garden and maybe to the city itself with all its history and smoky secrets.
            “Way yonder different. Folks weren’t as good to you then.” He took another bite of cookie and drank from his glass. That energized him.
“My folks had it hard back then.”
            I tasted panic. Alfie had disappeared behind the garage and I felt as if I were on an asteroid hurtling through space with an alien. This affair wasn’t going according to plan. I nodded as if I understood and scratched on my pad without looking up. He continued.
            “The worse was what they done to Mr. Carter.”
            “Mr. Carter?” That was all I could manage.
            “Ain’t nobody should have had that done to them. Nobody. I don’t care if he was colored.”
            I gave up and stared at my pad. What was he saying, and where was he taking me? I stared right through my pad and into the ground. From therein oozed a memory. I met it halfway and solved the mystery.
Back in the 1920s, there had been a lynching in Little Rock, less than a half-mile from where we sat. It happened right in the middle of what was then the center of the “colored” commercial area, along Ninth Street.
“Oh my god,” I thought. “This is where he is going.” I tried to raise my head but it took three attempts to overcome the gravity created by that realization. When I did manage to look up, Mr. Pitts was somewhere far away, and scared. I mean really scared. His hand was shaking so much the tea was spilling.
            “I remember that day like it was yesterday,” he continued. They made us all go inside, for they knew there was to be trouble. I was just a child, but the oldest. My Momma put the youngest under the bed and made me watch after them. She said the white folks had done killed Mr. Carter and was draggin’ him down Ninth Street behind a car. She was scared and she made us all cry.
“We could hear people yellin’. They was honkin’ their horns and yellin’ so loud we could hear them in the bedroom. Wasn’t no colored folks on the street, except Mr. Carter and he was dead. They hung him and beat him and drug him up and down Ninth Street. We was all hidin’ and cryin.’ My Momma was tellin’ us to be quiet.” He stopped, looked away and back, directly at me.
“They shouldn’t have done that.”
            Here I was. It was a nice brisk autumn day and I should have been somewhere else, but I was sitting in someone else’s yard listening to an old man reciting his version of our city’s most awful moment and I couldn’t escape.
            “They drug him and drug him. All back and forth on Ninth Street. We could hear the cars and them horns honkin’, the honkin,’ oh my lord, the honkin’. Ain’t nobody ought to have that done to them. We was still cryin’ when they built a fire at Ninth and Broadway and burned him up. We could smell the smoke and that made us cry harder. My momma had some cookies in her apron pocket and she gave one to the younger kids to hush them up. She broke one in half and gave me a piece. She took the other half and then she started cryin’ too.”
            He looked at the cookie in his hand, then returned to that awful day.
            “Somebody said they broke one of his arms off and waved it at the cars going down Broadway,” he said. “I don’t know. Nobody looked out the window the whole time, for we was too scared.”
            I pretended to write something.
            “Too bad,” he said so low I barely heard him. “Them was bad days. Bad for us all.”
            The smoke circled us and I sat as still as I could. Mr. Pitts stopped talking and sat with his hand with the cookie resting on his leg. As the fog of remembrance cleared, he began to smile. He didn’t say anything. He was done talking to white strangers for the day.
            He sat there proud and triumphant, a black-skinned Cicero having had his say, needing neither accolades nor approval. I thanked him, not sure at all whether he even heard me, and then eased away and headed home. I was all confusion, trying to sort out what had just happened. I still had an assignment but what the hell was I going to write? The truth about what happened? That would be the honest thing. It might even be a good piece. Shake the readers up a bit. Let them know that history wasn’t all about Victorian houses. Hell yes!
            Back home, I sat in the kitchen and stared through the window. When I tried, I could hear the shouts on the street, feel the throb of the car engines running, and smell the acrid smoke of man and wood burning.
Damn that old man!
Outside the afternoon was dissolving into evening. The shadows got longer and darker the way our thoughts will as we doze. Beyond the kitchen window, the air was still crisp and clear. Inside, it was dark and gloomy. The evening sky changed purposefully that time of year like a lover moving from caresses to kisses, and then to the dark undertones of passion. My thoughts moved that way, too, as I reflected on the day and what it was trying to tell me. Maybe it was trying to tell me to be brave, or truthful …, or honest. Maybe it was suggesting that I approach what I was doing with something a little deeper than just seeing my name in print. Maybe it was just trying to tell me to say something else entirely, before darkness came. Maybe. Maybe.
After a time, I stood up and retrieved a beat-up Remington typewriter and package of paper from a closet and carried them, with as much gentleness as I could muster, into the kitchen. I placed the typewriter on the kitchen table so I could see beyond it into the deepening gloom. Then I slid a page of paper into it and turned the cylinder so the paper was position precisely across the top, aligned there neat and worthy of higher-level thought. I drew and released a long breath of sad air—air that had once moved through the city and down the streets and around the large oak trees past the moving cars and quaint old houses and had once even flowed around the twitching, smoking body of John Carter.
I didn’t want to, but I smelled that smoke.
Click, click, I advanced the paper.
I was ready. My mind was as clear as the way of a traveler making the last turn on the last curve before home. I rubbed my hands. I thought how funny it would be to make the Sign of the Cross.
Instead, I started to type: “Mr. Otis Pitts, age 70 and a lifelong resident of Little Rock, has a new best friend who is only five years old.”


July 2009

Revised 2017
Some dreams are pleasant.
Some dreams aren't.

Friday, March 17, 2017

Meals

His name was George Mason, and his family lived “up on the bayou.” That would have been Bayou Bartholomew, which, at that time, received raw sewage from the city of Pine Bluff, Arkansas. It was a breeding ground for snakes and mosquitoes during the dry months and a flood plain for the bayou during the rainy ones. In the dead of summer, the smell of sewage mixed with that of “cotton poison” made the air unbearable.

The poorest of the poor rented that house. That’s where the Masons lived.

Our school bus stopped each day to pick up George and his brothers and sisters, all sallow-complexioned kids with shaggy, greasy hair and swollen stomachs caused by poor diets. For some reason, we started sitting together, George and I. It may have been because he was older and kept the Fletcher boys from tormenting me. At any rate, I got to know him well enough that we talked openly.

One morning, the other Mason kids climbed the incline to the highway, loaded on the bus, and told the driver that George would be along. The driver honked until a figure ran from the door of the house, clutching a book and pulling on his coat. In a moment, he was sitting beside me. Breathing hard, he looked over.

“I’m sorry Jimmie,” he said. “I know I made y’all wait.” He settled back and regained his breath. Then he looked at me again and spoke.

“Momma told us this morning that she only had enough to fix us breakfast or dinner (Note: lunch in those rural days). The other kids said make them some dinner, but I said, “Mamma, I just have to have my breakfast’ and that’s what I was doing.” He stopped, then said, “Eatin’ my breakfast.” He couldn’t help looking at the paper sack holding my sandwich.

It has been a dream of mine since, and one that seems to be fading, that no child in America, or the world for that matter, would ever again have to make that choice.

Oh, and he had “dinner” that day, at least he had half of one.