Carefullness

Ready for a big tip in life? Okay, here goes, ready or not. Let’s say you board a foster puppy. Let’s say that it’s a rescue dog ready to go north for adoption after all the shots are in and all the, uh, medical procedures have been completed. (Ixnay on the aidspay.)

Now let’s say that it’s late autumn and the leaves cover the ground between trips to allow the rescue dog to attend the call of nature. BTW, I read where you are supposed to say, “Busy Busy” while said dog attends its business so it will learn how to know what it’s supposed to be doing. Ours told me that if I didn’t shut that silly crap up she would do it in the middle of the kitchen floor. Anyway … we’re back outside with the precious thing.

Now assume that vision is obscured and it’s not quite safe to put your feet down just anywhere. Then assume that having finished attending your puppy’s needs and you need to go back inside, but you’re not sure that you haven’t trod upon a previous expedition’s deposit.

Tip of the day: Find a nice pile of leaves. Plant each foot on it in succession.

Now look.

If leaves adhere to the sole of your shoe and extend out on either side, it’s a sure sign that you carry troubles and it is best not to walk on your best carpet ere you attend the matter.

Works every time and I keep indoors free of unwanted material that way. I have a checklist by my front door so I can record my testing before I enter. I color-code my mishaps by day of week for clarity. That prevents any mishaps.

My question: would this be appropriate to send as a “Hint to Heloise”?

Problems

We took the demon dog (our latest rescue foster) to the farm yesterday to let her run off some energy. 

That part worked. She frolicked, ran, barked, and played. Tired her out real good.

What didn’t work was the riding part. Made her ill fore and aft.

Seems like every time in life you find one solution, it breeds a another problem. It's like when a city solves the problem of traffic congestion Downtown only to find that there are worse things than traffic congestion Downtown.

Anyway, later we felt so badly for our sick, tired little puppy that we let her come in and watch TV.

Her eyes turned bright red and she immediately went into “destruct mode.”

Even, “Depart Satan. I command you to leave this child,” didn’t work. It was back to solitary confinement with oaths and threats to call PETA. 

Oh well. Today is another day.

A Warning

Jester Dines

By Jimmie von Tungeln

           

It started when Jester was a pup. He would curl near the table while the family ate dinner. One night—the family never recalled who is was, but somebody—threw him a scrap of bread.

            After that he came every night.

            As he got a little older, he would sit up and look with large, expressive eyes, and use them to communicate attention. Sometimes he won a tidbit. Sometimes not. B. F. Skinner said once that periodic reinforcement produces a stronger response level than reliable reinforcement.

            When he was nearly full grown, he began to produce a soft whining sound that everyone found precious. One of the boys posted a video of it on social media. Jester's sigh went viral.

            Not long after that, the sigh transcended into what nearly resemble a growl.

            Then one night it happened. There was a distinct snarl to gain attention. The whole family laughed.

            No one could have even imagined the nightmare that was to follow.

What was I thinking?
Or was I?