When my sainted mother used to get really, really tired of
us kids, she’d say, “I think I’ll just go live in the woods by myself.”
Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it just puzzled us. How would she get back from
out in the woods every day in time to cook our breakfast? There were sure to be
problems in logistics, and we told her so. That didn't help.
The threat didn’t seem to upset our dad. He would just say, “Ya’ll
would be satisfied then, wouldn’t you?"
I’m beginning to understand dear old mom a little better
these days. If the world gets any more complicated, I may consider a little
cabin somewhere out in the middle of nowhere.
Somewhere I don’t have to deal with the fact that, although I
haven’t applied for a loan in nearly 15 years and don't expect to ever do so again, I find that something called my “credit
score” has been hacked, and it’s probably going to end up costing me money.
Somewhere I don’t have to deal with a charge-card company
that doesn’t list “replace a worn-out card with a new one” as a choice on its “press
a number” phone service system.”
Somewhere I’m not required to think up ever increasingly
complicated passwords only to find my account locked when I miss a word or
symbol.
Somewhere I can eat supper without receiving 15 robo-calls.
Somewhere cell phones only allow you to phone someone and
talk to them.
Somewhere the purchase of a new car doesn’t come with an
offer to attend a Saturday seminar to learn how to operate it.
Somewhere there are grocery stores that offer a variety of
goods instead of 400 different types of toothpaste and 300 types of toilet
paper.
Somewhere both hyperbole and gratuitous exaggeration are outlawed.
Somewhere both hyperbole and gratuitous exaggeration are outlawed.
Somewhere Halloween is pretty much just one night for kids and not a
month-long decorating contest for adults.
Somewhere a teenager can be jailed for something called "Walking under the influence of a hand-held device" if there is collision involving injuries.
And finally …
Somewhere folks don’t elect goofballs to public office.
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| Don't get me started. |
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