EPIPHANY OF THE DAY

 SECULARISM

This time I think we have gone too far. It seems, at least according to the internet, that a representative from one of our political parties has insisted that we must become a “Christian Nation.” He also said women have to have babies or they won't count, or maybe only as 3/5 of a person. We'll get to that later.

Meanwhile, I dunno.

I am not up to the task of being an evangelical voter. Now there may be some folks who are, but I am fairly weak in spirit, physical strength, and financial resources.

First, we would have to become a forgiving nation, to wit:

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

“No!” Jesus replied, “seventy times seven!” Matthew 18:21-22:

Now take those people who stormed our United States Capitol on January 6, 2021. If we were a bona-fide Christian Nation, and there were statutory punishments in place for un-American activity, I suppose I could forgive them. If I had to, and if the penalties for non-Christian behavior were severe enough, I suppose I might make it twice or even three times. But let me tell you, before we got to 70 times 7, I would fall by the wayside and who knows? The man (?) who called me a sucker/loser for serving in in foreign war? Rather than forgive him, I might find myself in a cell with a big bully in a white robe wanting to show me the “treasures of the universe.” Just maybe.

We couldn’t get divorced as citizens of a Christian nation, except for adultery. Of course we could make it unilateral, i.e. an option only available to men. Now I don’t want to. Get divorced, that is, hard to imagine a set of circumstances under which I would. No, wait a minute. I beg your pardon … If I were to ever catch her watching Fox News, I’d be out the door in two seconds flat and nobody could blame me. So, there are two major points of concern.

Here’s a third: I’d have to give away all my belongings. That’s one of the plainest demands within the scriptures. Now if I gave away all my money, I’d have to rely on non-believers to take care of me.

Oh gosh. The meek would inherit our country. I find those people tiresome in their nondescript little houses and their weekend family fishing trips.

Peace makers! Who needs them? Halliburton stock would be worthless.

In seeming contradiction to some of the other mandates, we would have to be a more vengeful nation. I guess we could keep a war or two going. That would require a reinstatement of the draft probably. I’ve been through that, so it might not affect me. On the other hand, remember the Volkstrum. If I did get pulled in, I do have a problem with this stricture that would become part of our legal system.

Now, therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known a man by lying with him. But all the young girls who have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. (Num. 31:17-18, Revised Standard Version.)

We now come to my final question. Whose Christianity? I am not going to hand out The Watchtower on Saturday morning and miss the Bowery Boys movies on TCM. Just get my cell ready.

Also, if the Mormons win out, I think I should rather live in the Windward Islands than wear Magic Underwear. My wife might go along with the harems if she could be First Wife, but she’s not about to accept that secondary citizenship business.

Snake handling? Forget it.

And, so help me Charles Darwin, I would rather be locked up in the Opryland Hotel with a dominatrix on steroids than to be in the same room with Joel Osteen