Wakeup calls ...

Early in the morning, my Sainted Mother, particularly on a Monday School Day, would sneak into my bedroom, yank off the covers, and yell, “Wake up Jacob. Day’s a’breaking.”

Those times tested my undying love for dear Mother more than any I remember.

Over the years, I tried several of what I believe to be more gentle ways of waking someone up who has slept past my appointed schedule. To wit:

“Wake up and see the wonderful day given us.”

“All the other pretty little girls are up already.”

“Wanna take part in a wonderful day?”

“You said wake you up at Seven. It’s Eight.”

“I think Matthew McConaughey has taken up religion. He’s at the front door asking for you.”

“Candygram.”

“The fish are biting.”

“Momma always said that only bad girls sleep this late.”

“I think the house is on fire.”

“Your face is going to freeze like that.”

They always end the same way, though.

“Is that a baseball bat in your hand?”

Plenty of sleep is the secret to
a long life, and marriage.