EPIPHANY OF THE DAY

 EGO

Long ago in an America far away, I stood on the edge of the Great Tide Pool in Monterey, California (actually Pacific Grove) one bright November morning. For those who don’t know, I had positioned myself very near the most western spot of dry land in our country.

In one hand I held a copy of orders to report to the Support Activity in Da Nang, Vietnam for a year’s duty in Naval security. They would soon train me to use weapons, throw grenades, and be brave even when I didn’t feel safe. Then they would set me at the edge of a jungle with a rifle in my hands, waiting for whatever happened.

In the other hand I held an offer for an all-expense-paid escape into Canada, from where I was told then I would be safe from the war but could never return to America.

I sat on a dry rock and smoked a cigarette, an infiltered Camel as I remember. The moment was too important for distillation. Finished, I put the cold butt in my pocket. That place was too sacred for despoliation.

My mind was tearing itself apart. My ego was telling me that no person or agency could make me participate in a war that I didn’t support. My life belonged to me to do with as I pleased. What I wanted stood far above what my country wanted.

My heart was telling me that my America had nourished and protected me for my entire life and deserved repayment. My family's name was worth the danger to a son and brother.

My ego screamed, “Do what you wish.”

My heart said, “America may wander afield, but she needs good people to bring her to harmony."

I stood and turned to face land. The entire United States of America lay in front of me, from where the wild Pacific pounds on her shores to where the gentle Atlantic flows past a simple public place called Fort Sumter, bought with the blood of many who may have been as unwilling as I.

Life demanded a decision.

I put my ego aside and did what I thought was best for our country.

Sometimes you just have to do that, even when it hurts, even when it hurts very badly.